Tuesday, December 07, 2010

MAUD, (YOU'RE ROTTEN TO THE CORE) performed by Beatrice Lillie

And now, I'm going to tell you about a friend of mine...
I was having lunch
With Maud the other day here,
And I told her,
"Maud, I'm feeling kind of low.
My life is just too dreary and depressing,
But why it is, I really do not know."
Then as I spoke,
I saw the truth quite clearly;
I saw myself a vulgar, hollow, fraud.
So then, I had another sip of brandy,
And I leaned across the table, and I told her,
"Maud, we're all of us, just rotten to the core."
(God knows why I hadn't thought of it before!)
I said, "Darling, look at you,
And the sordid things you do!
And the sordid sort of people you adore!"
I said, "Maud, you're full of maggots, and you know it.
Your soul's a bed where worms queue up to breed.
You don't know what life's for, Maud,
You're rotten to the core, Maud."
And Maud agreed.
So then I had another sip of brandy,
And Maud gave a sort of deprecating cough.
But I really thought this thing was so important,
I wasn't going to be put off.
I had a manicure I was late for, and a hangover,
As long as it was broad.
But as I say, I felt this thing important,
So I had another sip, and I told her,
(Hmm. Where are?....oh, there you are.)
Maud, we're all of us just rotten to the core.
You,
.....me.
And the Rhani of Bunghpore.
I said, "Look at Mabel. Stuffed with slime.
And getting stuffier all the time.
Look at Popsy, and that queer old man next door.
Alright, look at Freddy and that club that he belongs to.
Also Maggie, with that squalid little Swede.
You don't know what life's for, Maud.
You're rotten to the core, Maud."
And Maud (I'm glad to say) agreed.
"We're all," I said, "Just rotten to the core.
It's a thing Maud, that you really can't ignore."
"But," I said, (and I nearly cried, because I felt so odd inside)
"We won't be rotten darling anymore."
I said, "It's not too late for us to change, Maud.
You only have to see the lives we lead.
Come on now. From now on, it's clean living!
And clean thinking!"
Then Maud said,
"Get you! You're stinking!"
And I agreed.




Written by Muriel Lillie

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wonderful! I've been looking years for this! Many thanks for posting it.

Anonymous said...

May I second the above, it is such a joy to have found this - all I could remember was '"Maud, you're rotten to the core!" and she agreed.'

Priscilla Meyer said...

Me too! In 1952 when I was 10 I let out a shriek at the line "Mabel. Simply stuffed with slime" that stopped Bea Lillie in her tracks: she turned to the audience, asked with high drama, "WHAT was THAT?!" and it got written up in the Sunday New York Times as the only other time she'd been daunted on stage (the first was when a bat got loose in the theater and she finished her number from under the piano).

Priscilla Meyer said...

I forgot to ask: do you have an mp3 of it perhaps?

Elizabeth Block said...

I had a dream fragment in which I said to someone, "You don't know what life's for, Maud, you're rotten to the core, Maud," and he replied, "And Maud, I'm glad to say, agreed."
This is from a record by Beatrice Lillie which we had when I was growing up. I think I'll learn it and perhaps perform it.
I think something else on that record was "Snoops the Lawyer," which I retrieved and did perform, in honour of a friend who is a lawyer.
I'm not sure, but the Toronto Reference Library may have a copy of that recording!

mjwemdee said...

Absolutely stunning. I still giggle at the thought of her performing this.